Learning Curves

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December 2000, and most of 2001 was the year of learning curves. Not curve singular-I had to

learn about having curves…in all the right places. It was a year of amazing growth, and not just

my chest, either. I can really say that this was the period of time where I learned just how feminine

I already was…how much I had become…and, how much I still had to go.

One of the two greatest problems that TG's face is getting read. The other is being caught with

feminine clothing, especially when your Significant Other is not aware of your being feminine….

I'm getting sloppy! Saturday, after a trip to the shop (with minor luck), I had a pink shirt that I was

adding to the casual wardrobe and time got away…suddenly the S.O. is there! I recovered by holding

it up to her and checking the fit-it didn't. So back it went for a different one (that fits me very well!)

I'm also getting more daring-while the S.O. was trying on some maternity stuff, I bought a Joe Boxer

bra from Elder-Beerman! It's cute; I think Dan will like it, too. I need to go back and check for

matching panties…I also discovered that waist-cinchers are still made-I need one of these…especially

I am so looking forward to my week of feminine fun-I really can't seem to wait-but I know I have to!

There was another time when I got to play. Here is the tale of how that went…

Free at last! After taking the S.O. to the airport and seeing her off, I did my nails, came home in

panties and relaxed-missed church in the process. Did my toenails in Rose Aura, and just enjoyed

being a woman! Took all my clothes out to air, went to the shop and had a cock, went to rehearsal,

came home and was up past midnight playing (which includes that matching pair of thong panties

I bought from Elder-Beerman!) I wish I didn't have Christmas stuff this week-would love to go out

Men can be such losers! I left rehearsal early tonight to see Dan, and he had a late business meeting

after his choir! After all the trouble I went through getting dressed for him, too! My night wasn't a

total loss, though-I managed a good cock at the shop tonight-and did finally get a waist cincher.

Back to this men thing, though-what on earth possesses someone to way overbook themselves? I

mean, that's what a planner is for, after all-except that guys seem to not really care. Especially that

Today is my birthday. I spent it well…I got dressed in my blue polo, jeans, black flat bra and hi-cut

panties, the waist-cincher, rings, earrings…and went to Someplace Else! I met a guy how thought my

name was "James"-and was he stunned when I told him it was Jayne, that I was TG, and so forth. He

reached out and grabbed my left boob, thinking it was a pad, and discovered that my boobs really

ARE 36c's! I asked him if he always groped strangers…It was hard not to laugh. I went from there to

the shop, and took part in a threesome. It was different, I must admit. I really enjoyed being female

tonight…especially after seeing the drag show upstairs. Bad, bad makeup jobs, and I felt I was built

much better-and I didn't need a whole wad of padding, either.

After last night, tonight was somewhat anticlimactic. I mean, after all that happened, plus the little

shopping spree I went on…I knew as tired as I was, that it just wouldn't be as good. And, I was right.

Even a more judicious use of perfume than I did last night got me nowhere…even at the shop. Part of

my tired comes from Christmas stuff, and part of it…well, the S.O. is in danger of a miscarriage. The

baby should be about 10+ weeks…and it seems to have stopped at 6 weeks. To top it off, she's started

spotting. I should have stayed home and slept-but wanted noise. I struck out all over…still, when all is

said and done, I have enjoyed this time greatly-and now have to start the change back,. `cause I can't

There are times when I can share with others…at this point, I needed to open up some. Fortunately, I

had that ability, as my oldest sister just happens to be "family"-an active lesbian who has supported me

The S.O. lost the baby the 11th. I haven't had much time to process this. It is sad in a way, but it is also a

bit of a relief. All my secrets are safe for now…I got to speak to the Sis some last night; we talked for an

hour or so. She's got a letter coming my way soon-that should be interesting reading. I am also looking

forward (somewhat) to the vacation up and coming-I can use the time away from the midwest mindset

to rethink where am I at, and who I am as a person-and especially as a woman. Plus, I'll get a chance

Yes, this was a tough time. But you know, I think it helped me in the long run. It made me really

understand that I was not the man I thought I was…but the woman I was becoming at that time. I

…I miss being on the coast. I miss being "home"-where I can open up and be free. I dislike being

"straight" all day-and would love to get femme quick. However, I know that isn't practical right now,

so I will just have to wait for a better time. Hopefully, it'll be very soon. If not, well, I can wait.

Have you ever been glad to see a year end? Me, too.

This will be the last entry for this year-and what a year it's been! J

I'm getting more comfortable as a woman, and more daring even yet: yesterday I got the S.O.'s mom to

buy me a set of women's sweats! They match the color of the warmup fleece I bought a while back…I

want to review all I've learned about me as a woman this year, so I can be a better woman next year.

About this time, I determined that being a woman suited me just fine. To that end, I switched from

New Phase to Estroven. I also bought a women's razor to start shaving my chest...just a little. A new

part of being this way also includes having a stable, long-term TG relationaship…well, I'm still

looking for that. One out of two isn't all that bad...!

I hit the shop the other night…and got me a live one. All over each other, tongues in and out of

mouths, sucking cock…just what I needed! But…what I really need is a stable, long term TG relationship

-with someone who can be soft and warm and gentle. Someone who wants more than a quick suck or

fuck and then gone. Someone to share secrets with. Someone that would embrace my female side,

I also need to write my own TG fiction-it seems like there ought to be a market for less sexual

fiction…Sometimes, I wonder if there really are others like me out there-but for now, I'll have to stick

I was forced into a rather indecent anal act at the end of the month. This next entry heralds my

After buying sneakers, slacks, belts and barrettes yesterday-as well as gold-tone earrings-I did it.

Bathed, showered, shaved face and chest, dressed up really nice in the long sleeve black top, the new

stuff, hi-thigh panties and a pad, black t-shirt bra, gold necklace, black watch, ring, perfume and

mascara-and went out totally femme! Lip gloss, the works-went to the bank, the post office…and then

the shop. Jeff was there-and oh, my…even in the tummy cincher I was wearing (Hey…I said I went all

out…that means hips! J ), we still spent a most pleasant 30 minutes or so. Plus, I found $2.25 in tokens!

So-I'm okay; I have overcome the last trip down to the shop, and I feel so much better for the doing

of it. I just wish I could go on being a woman. I wore a bra and panties all last week; I will do so again

It is interesting to see how my S.O. relates to all this. She got a turtleneck that, frankly, I was envious of.

The solution: we went shopping-together-to find one just like it…

…Friday night we (the S.O. and I) went looking for a slate blue turtleneck. I liked the color, but it

seemed we were way too late: the Spring arrivals are out, in all their pastel glory. Wal-mart, Kmart,

Target…all the same story. Saturday was a near repeat: Marshall's, Penney's, Sears….

Sunday we went outlet mall hopping…and finally hit the jackpot at the Dress Barn Woman at the larger

It was about here that I started shaving a part of my chest. And using a depilation cream, just

about down to where some of my bras hit. Good thing, too...Because there comes a time when

we have to make a decision: am I really serious about this womanhood thing, or am I just

playing games? That time for me finally arrived. Understand one thing: It is one thing to go

out in casual clothing and a little makeup. It is another thing totally to finally do the skirt

and pump thing for real…in public, where others can see you.

I didn't stay out long-I was tired, after all-but to feel a cool breeze through my hose and under my

skirt was delicious! J I went out tonight, for the first time in a skirt…the black dance outfit. Black

sparkle blouse, medium length black skirt, black everything including pumps.

It was sorta quiet, and since I was very overdressed, I came home to change. Once home, though, I

decided against going back. I may not go out tonight, either-it's kind of nice to have the alone time.

Even so, I want to do this again and soon. What I really need is a casual skirt to dance in.

However, last night was an important step in my growth as a woman-and one I'm not gonna ever forget!

I started wearing hose at work shortly after this; in addition to a bra , panties, and a pad.

Things went quite well for a while. I even had a guy ask me once if I was in a drag revue!

This is where a new part of my life starts: Some people have met me only as Jayne Sakura…

and will only acknowledge me as such. Others know me as both male and female, and greet

me by masculine or feminine name, depending on how I am dressed, and if the S.O. is with me