Christmas 2001:Southern Swing

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This was originally written as an extended e-mail to my Big Sis. She couldn't join us for Christmas this particular year, since

California to Florida is a very expensive proposition. At the same time, I wanted her to share in the fun (?) we had as a family,

and especially since I decided to take my chances and go basically femme. And I do mean "basically".

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While I was packing for this trip, I had to make a decision: go femme or go drab. Femme won out (probably against my better

judgment). This means having to pack a few more items, and will be the first time I have really traveled with the S.O. as an

80% +/- woman. (She knows certain things, but not others...yet.)

So, for your perusal: The Lady Jayne "Southern Swing" Christmas Tour Diary!

Got out of work early, and headed home. Got out of the work clothes and into a gray sports bra, teal green t-shirt, women's Navy

Dockers (size 16), white sox and a Sterling Silver cross necklace. Loaded the car with no help from the S.O.(she acts more like a

man than I do, anymore). I had to pick dinner, as she was not quite all there. Went to Burger King (her favorite), and then she drove

us all the way from Evansville to Lexington, Ky. where we stopped for the night. I figured she'd want me to drive, but no…typical

Since this was going to be a long drive, comfy clothes were the order of the day. So: a blue and purple sports bra, long sleeve

femme black and blue striped shirt (a Christmas present from the S.O.), that same pair of navy slacks, white sox. Jewelry: One

clear bracelet, one dark blue bracelet (I'll tell you about the bracelets later on), and my Sterling Silver cross necklace. Since I can't

wear obvious makeup in front of the S.O. (for obvious reasons), I had a tube of lip gloss that just had to do and a clear coat of nail

polish. Had breakfast at the hotel, and started driving for Charleston, SC. Lunch was snacks in the car, as money was a little tight

to start off. There's some very pretty scenery on that chunk of roadway! Got into Charleston about dinner time. I changed into a

femme polo, and exchanged the cross necklace for a Sterling choker and my large blue slide. We then went to dinner at Hyman's

Fish Market. Ate way too much, I'm afraid. Half a cup of she-crab soup, some stuffed bacon wrapped mushrooms, and a Shrimp

Creole that was fabulous! Had a chance to poke around a few shops, and bought a can of Wing Nuts (Buffalo Wing flavored

peanuts) to share. As of this writing, however, the can is still unopened…there is a marketplace downtown that is largely devoted

to artsy-craftsy stuff. (more on that tomorrow.) Went back to the room and called it a night. Might as well, as Charleston rolls up

the sidewalks downtown after about 7 or so, except for the restaurants and bars.

Knowing this day would end with catching up to Mom, Dad, and the middle sis and her hubby, I decided that nicer comfort was in

order. A sky blue micro fiber bra, a square neck t-shirt (also a gift from the S.O., back in September), tan Khakis, and white sox.

Jewelry choice: the clear bracelet, and a lt. blue bracelet, and the choker and slide from last night. Lip gloss as needed; the car air

was dry…very dry. After breakfast at the hotel, we toured around Charleston-the Battery section, some of the older historic district,

and the waterfront, then went back to the outdoor market. I bought a rose quartz slide for my choker; and could have spent far more

on some beadwork, hand-made baskets, and a lot of stuff I didn't need but was very well made. I enjoy that kind of thing, but it is

always so much to deal with. Finally, though, we hit the road. And here is a funny bit: We stopped at the Welcome center just over

the Georgia State line. I get out to go to the loo, and there's all these guys in hunter's clothing, talking about one critter or the next.

These good ol' boys were bragging about how they could drop something from three hundred yards.

They couldn't even hit the toilet two feet in front of them! I had to clean a toilet seat pretty good in order to sit down. (I didn't wear

panties on this trip.) In fact, the joke got to be something like this: We'd pass a sign that said "clean restrooms" and I'd tell the

S.O., "Don't bother stopping there…I've cleaned enough of them this trip!" Lunch was in the car again, and after a small eternity

getting caught in traffic in Georgia and NE Florida due to stupid tourists, we finally hit the hotel. (There seems to be a bunch of

Bowl games in Florida, plus EVERYONE wants to see Mickey and Co. for New Year's Eve….) Dad really picked a winner of a hotel.

The Magic Carpet hotel looked like a dive, but was actually halfway decent. After unloading all the junk from the car and getting

checked in, we went to dinner at Aunt Catfish's. You might like this place: Hot and cold bar, and fish all over the place (especially

catfish). I'm not sure, but I think our waitperson was "family". If he wasn't, he was definitely swishy enough to be!

Anyway, we all ate way too much, and then the sis, her hubby, the S.O.and I went for a short walk down the strip a bit. Afterwards,

we went back to the folks room to chill out. Dad wanted to know whether or not we were going to the Methodist service at Grandma's

church, or the service at the 1st Uptight Presby Church, where Aunt P was in the Choir. (Why do I have to make these type of calls

after being on the road all damn day?) Back to my room to ponder the question as I sleep. And so this day ends, finally.

Ahh, Christmas Eve. The promise of Christmas is so close, yet just far enough away to have to go back out to the stores one

Today the outfit was simple: Grey sports bra, khakis, a black/white stripe Liz Claiborne polo shirt (zipper front, instead of buttons),

white sox. Jewelry: Puka Shell necklace, clear bracelet, black bracelet.I put some lip gloss on, then then S.O. and I went for a walk

along the beach. With the morning air, it was much like beaches back home…except the sun was on the wrong side. Breakfast at

IHOP, next to a LOUD table with way too many people crowded around it. Lunch was at Blackbeard's; we were in New Smyrna

Beach anyway, dropping off a roll of film at a one-hour photo place for the sis. Then we went to Wal-Mart. Now I like Wal-Mart, but

not Christmas Eve. Did buy a v-neck sky blue t-shirt, and Mom asked why I was buying a woman's t-shirt. I told her summer was

coming (Duh. Why else would I buy a short sleeve shirt?). Went to Publix and found some St. Ive's face cleanser. Gotta love it; it's

better than soap and not tested on bunnies. After all, I wanted to look nice for the Christmas Eve service at Aunt P and Uncle J's

church. Hey, it was half an hour earlier and besides, I figured it would be A Good Thing to keep the peace amongst the extended

family. Dinner was a pizza in Mom and Dad's room; by all accounts it was singularly nasty. Of course, it might also have been the

church service…anyway, changed into black trouser socks and black shoes, and did the candlelight service thing. After, we went

out for Krispy Kreme donuts. (Just what a girl who's trying to watch her figure needs late at night, right? All that fat, sugar glaze, and

you have to have whole milk to wash down not one, but TWO of them…) It's no blessed wonder why Dad's gotten so big, and why

he and Mom both need so much antacid. We did nothing but eat virtually all day! Back to the room, and after goodnights and some

Merry Christmas. It's a little hard to be cheerful and bright when you haven't slept well. (Something about green peppers and

donut glaze…) Anyway: Today I wore the gray sports bra, black/blue stripe t-shirt, my typical Christmas flannel over that. (It

was cold enough, trust me!) Khakis, rainbow sox (got them at Casual Corner Outlet). Jewelry consisted of my Sterling cross,

and the clear bracelet, along with a red bracelet. Lip gloss applied, we went back to IHOP for breakfast, and this time, we sat at

the loud table. (We weren't loud…obnoxious perhaps, but not loud.) After, we opened our "family gifts", and then all piled into the

car and went to Uncle G's. Lunch was snacks, dinner was a ham, and all too close together. Grandma, Aunt B, Aunt P and

Uncle J, plus Uncle G, Aunt V, Bear 2 or 3 (I'm not sure which edition of Bear he's on), and the crew. There were some gifts

exchanged, some family reminiscing, and finally, we all headed back to where we were staying. We all managed to keep Uncle

J from discussing something politically religious (It was Christmas, for Pete's sake!) and kept the Bear slobber to a minimum.

K really liked Bear; I put up with him. I'm not really dog people, but I can appreciate other people's dogs. Mom was all over me

to get a hold of you. I didn't bring your number with me…for all the obvious reasons. I had to get onto Uncle G's computer, go

into the LadyJayne83 e-mail, get your phone number, then wipe the computer out. Cookies, history, temp files, everything.

Sis, you did well to call in. Mom was mollified (not that she needs mollification, but you know…) Dad was pleased, and when

all was said and done, I managed to keep Mom from being…well, Mom. I missed having you around to talk to, but I am glad

you had a chance to get away. I do hope you had a good time! On the way back, we passed a display of lights that should have

gotten the Tim Taylor Award for Overachievement. It was so bad, we had to back up and get pictures. Sis took them; I hope

they came out ok. Back to the rooms, back to something resembling quiet, and finally to sleep. But before I drifted off, this

occurred to me: You know, it is amazing to me how little things really have changed over all these years. In a sense, it's a little

sad. Dad gets quieter as time goes by; I am sure he will be in hearing aids soon. He sometimes cannot get a word edgewise

with Mom, who continues to do, be and say the same things she always has. One would think that she would take advantage of

the open-mindedness that is all around the Golden State, but no. As she gets older, she gets more opinionated. (okay, and

obnoxious. But she is still the Mom, and I love her and Dad, despite their faults.) Sis is still Sis, the little darling. Love her dearly,

but the truth is, she is getting more like Mom daily. Goddess only knows what'll happen if/when she and hubby move to Colorado.

Might be good for them; or it might make them lean way right. (I hope not.) I worry about them, but at the same time, they will be

perfect in Mom's eyes, and so I am just not gonna go there. Let them be perfect, in their cute little house with the Martha Stewart

touches. Martha doesn't live in my house, and a good thing, too. Me? I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I may have the TG

tightrope to walk, but at least I know who I am. And on this day when the world tries to stop being insane for the day, that's not bad.

It's impossible. I can NOT have a hangover, I haven't touched a drop of booze all trip. (Goddess knows I wanted a wine cooler last

night when we got back in the worst way…) Outfit today: Blue micro fiber bra, navy t-shirt, femme flannel (is it getting colder?),

khakis, the rainbow sox again. Jewelry: Celtic Love knot necklace, clear bracelet, and dark blue bracelet. Lip gloss as it is a little

dry out. Breakfast was at Steve's Famous Restaurant. It isn't that famous, but it is good…and filling. It's not like I can just order a

half omelet or anything…if this keeps up, I am going to need a blouse that says "Goodyear, #1 in tires"! Today was a loose day--

took the Sis and Hubby to the airport to send them home. Had lunch at TGIFriday's and of course ate far more than I needed to. I

am beginning to get ill, but how the hell do you turn off the Family Eating Machines? Dropped Sis and Hubby off (remember, you

can't go past the ticket counters these days), and then took the long way back to New Smyrna, and Blackbeard's Raw Bar for an

"early" dinner. At least raw oysters are lighter fare. Did blessedly little after, until Dad decided he just HAD to go to Cow Lick's Ice

Creamery to check it out. It was homemade, and the scoops of Vanilla Bean and Banana (one of each) went down quite well. They

did offer a beer flavored ice cream, but that sounds revolting even now. After that, went back to the folk's room, but they were so

intent on the TV that the S.O. and I finally left. I still don't get what's so good about some of the junk on the tube, but they like it. I

don't, so after catching up the headlines and weather, it's sleepy time for this little princess.

Uhhh…Did I say little? I'm in dire need of a crane to get out of bed this morning. This is NOT fair. The S.O. is up, almost ready to

go somewhere and do something, and I can't drag my princess butt out of bed. I put on my purple and blue sports bra today, and

cover it with a Teal long sleeve t-shirt, khakis, and white sox. Jewelry is the Sterling cross, and the clear bracelet and a tan/brown

bracelet. Makeup is lip gloss, and is much needed today. Back to Steve's Famous for breakfast. I eat less, knowing that pizza

is on the menu for lunch. Picked up Aunt B, and went to Aunt P and Uncle J's. This now presents a problem…my bra and bra

straps are a little too obvious if I take my coat off. Rather than set off WW3, I slide into the bathroom, remove it, and stuff it back into

my coat pocket. There…now I should pass muster (if not gas), so long as I don't move around too much. I'll jiggle if I do. (Speaking

of passing, if I could pass this gas and the rock behind it, I'll feel much better.) Lunch was indeed pizza, and we sat and talked after.

Uncle J tried to get me into a discussion of some sort of political-religious bent (I know that it is tough to not tie one's beliefs into

ones politics, but there has got to be SOME break!) and just HAD to show his pictures of the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City.

His comment on them was "Nice clubhouse for a cult". The man is incorrigible, he has no corge at all! Before heading over to Uncle

G's, Dad calls to see if they are home. Uncle G and Aunt V are home all right…sick with flu. I don't wish to have flu, nor do I wish

it on anyone else, but this really was an answer to prayer. I really didn't want to spend all day with the extended family. My boobs

are beginning to hurt; they are just big enough to need the support a bra gives, and with the cold weather, my nipples hurt bigtime.

So we drop off Aunt B, and run a few errands. The S.O. suggests the Sapporo for dinner, bless her fuzzy little heart. And that is

where we went. It is set up much like any teppan-style Japanese steakhouse, and the food was pretty good, if a little pricey.

Afterward, we all slog back to the room, hang for a bit, and then the S.O. and I went to pack. It has been a long week, and tomorrow

we start heading homeward. While I have had fun to a point, it is getting to be time to head out of here. There are more tourists

arriving, and it's getting a little crammed in the roadways.

What do you mean, it's time to get up? It's only…never mind. Got dressed in a white sports bra, blue polo shirt w/Johnny collar,

cream colored pants, and light blue sox. Jewelry consisted of the clear bracelet, the light blue bracelet, and the Sterling chain

with the light blue slide on it. Makeup as always is a light lip gloss. The S.O. and I take another stroll along the beach. We miss

the ocean; we would like to move out west if we felt we could find work quickly enough. We miss being home, and would love to

return on a more permanent basis…eventually, we return, load up the car so Mom and Dad could move into our room (don't ask…)

and head out to IHOP for breakfast. I will miss the folks dearly, but it is really time to get moving; a week in the kind of proximity

we all shared is not really the best deal going. After saying our goodbyes from there, we part company and head to Orlando, to

have lunch was some of the S.O's extended family. Jungle Jim's is in Church Street Station and the food's okay, but it is an

"atmosphere" kind of place…so the food is mediocre and the booze is cheap. After way too much time there, we hit the road, and

have a much needed lighter dinner at a Wendy's just shy of the Florida/Georgia line. Got into our hotel in Atlanta way later than I

wanted, and finally collapsed. I am getting a little old to drive that kind of distance after a lunchtime start, especially since I now

Ok, today is supposed to be a fun day. Wore the blue/purple sports bra, the long sleeve t-shirt from Casual Corner, cream slacks,

blue sox. Jewelry was the clear bracelet, the dark blue bracelet, and the Celtic Love knot necklace. After breakfast in the Hotel, I

put some lip gloss on, because I knew we would be outside a good chunk of the day. One of the S.O.'s ~~cronies~~ friends from her

high school was kind enough to drive us around town, and our first stop was Zoo Atlanta. Took lots of Panda pictures; this is

one of the few times I wish I had a SLR camera. Had lunch at the McDonald's there (they just pop up all over, don't they?). Went

to the World of Coke museum; took a picture with the famous Coke Polar Bear, and then did some shopping. I've already seen

the museum; and the crowds there kept me from wanting to take the tour again. It seems that Atlanta was hosting some sort of

Bowl game, plus the Big Peach Drop on New Year's Eve. (Ahh, Barry Manilow, where are you when we really need you?) Went

from there to The Underground, a trendy shopping complex. Had an Orange Julius, it's been years since I had one! After that, we

went up to Marietta to see the Big Chicken. (I'll explain it someday.) From there, the S.O.'s friend took us to her home, where they

talked to each other for an hour or so. I talked to the cats; they were much friendlier. After we returned to the Hotel, the S.O. and I

decided to check out the Cherokee Cattle Company for dinner. The meat was pretty good, and we ate all on our plates. After dinner,

The last day of the tour had me in the blue micro fiber bra, the sky blue v-neck I had bought on Christmas Eve, cream slacks, and

white sox. Jewelry the clear bracelet, the black bracelet, and the Sterling cross. Lip gloss applied as needed. Breakfast at the hotel,

then on the road to Nashville. Lunch at a KFC, and then we stopped at Opry Mills. One does not shop there so much as experience

it. We had Hot Chocolate at Ghiradelli, made a stuffed panda for the collection at Build-a-Bear, walked and stretched…and got the

hell out, because the place was PACKED with tourists. (Why do they call it Tourist Season if you can't shoot at them?) Seems that

Nashville had just hosted some sort of Bowl game…Dinner was at Applebee's in Clarksville, and then we returned to Evansville. Thus

SO…was it worth the trouble? Yes and no. No in the sense of costs, time lost from work at the end of the year, heartburn and

hassle from all sides. You really can gag on the ties that bind. Yes, in that it was good to see everyone (even Uncle J) in good

spirits and reasonably good health. It was good to go away for the ten day span, and it proved to me that I could pass in either

direction, because people aren't all that observant. (If nothing else, my bras should have shown my boobs to best advantage.)

So that's the tour. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it up; drop me an e-mail when you can. I know you are

busy, and your time is precious. (Whose isn't?) Keep in touch, keep the faith, and be well.

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Okay, I promised you the bracelet story: The clear one is worn to remind me of my Big Sis, who is family in more than one sense

of the word. I always want to share time with her somehow, and the bracelet I choose to wear has clear beads with a kind of

carny-glass larger bead every 5-6 clear ones. The colored bracelets are all scented; I use them for both looks and aromatherapy.

(Hey, a girl's got to do something to keep her head when others are losing theirs!)

Light Blue Lavender Appeasing, Anti-Depressant