Before reading any further, please understand that I write this as more of a "big sister" figure. I’ve been around the block more than a few times, and as such feel that
I am in a position to write this. I am not attempting to denigrate, deride, belittle or accuse anyone of doing—or not doing—anything, at any time. I'm simply feeling led
to write this. I learned long ago not to argue with such feelings, as there’s usually a good reason for them.
Now, I only have two questions for you at this point. The first is this: is starting hormones a route you really want to go? I mean, hormones really are a forever thing. They
will start making some pretty permanent changes in 6-8 months or so, and will finish the bulk of anything they'll do in 24-36 months, give or take. And just the physical
changes will get you some looks, let me tell you! (Especially in the therapy warm-tub at the gym. You'll be surprised how many guys will stare at your boobs, floating
there in the water....)
What does your SO think? Is she willing to watch you go through hormonal changes? What about your family, your friends, your co-workers? Understand that, depending
on your anatomy and physiology, you may not grow much. Or you might hit the jackpot, enter second puberty, and blossom.
I guess what I'm about is this: Hormones are a big step. It’s not a step for everybody, regardless of what you might think right now. If it is the right step, they'll push you in
a direction toward becoming the person you were meant to be. And yes, they will change the way you think over time; your perception of life will become decidedly more
feminine. For some of us, that’s the best part. For me, it’s made all the difference in the world. I finally know who I am.
**sighs**
And yes, hormones will help you to grow boobs. Get over it.
But once you start on hormones, you may not be able to stop, ever. It all depends on your system. I know unless I start having serious physical health issues, I'll be on
them until I die. Think about that for a moment. If I should live to see, say, 85, that will mean I have been on hormones for some 46 years. That’s a long time, by any standard.
Hormones are a two-edged sword, luvs. Yes, they'll help somewhat to make you the woman you were meant to be. But you'll have to continue them to keep the mental
effects and the physical effects won't go ever away once you've started developing. You'll have a chest for the rest of your days. Picture that, on a sunny day when you want
to hit the beach in nothing but a Speedo.
And some days, boobs are no picnic. (Not that I'd trade mine for anything, mind you.) But wait until you catch the corner of a wall, or a car door...! You will have to learn to
walk a little bit differently. Play tackle football? I don’t think so. And, since I don't take anti-androgens and haven't had laser (yet), using an epilator "up there" can be tricky.
Especially around my nipples. Shaving was far worse. Nads? Nair? Uh-uh. Not with me, you don’t. Ripping the excess hair off my eyebrows is bad enough. (I know this is
a bit graphic but sometimes, one must be so.) I've made my peace with the aspects of having a chest and keeping it hair-free.
My other question is somewhat similar: can you see yourself as a woman in 20 years? 40 years? Maybe even 60 years? I can see me there--silver wig and all. In 2055,
when I’m 85, I can see me just as much of a woman as I do now—and maybe even more so. After all, I’ll have been doing the femme thing for some 58 years. That will
be some 68% of my life.
See, I've taken the time over 11-plus years (as I write this) to think through my femininity; I've been prepared to lose everything--including my marriage, my family and my
employment--if and when the time comes to "totally go there." (You've probably read my articles that have the phrase “On Becoming a Woman” in them—if not, you should.
They contain some of my thoughts on this whole process.) And even now, I am contemplating my womanhood as I write this. I have no regrets to this day. Can you say that
to yourself, honestly?
Before making an appointment with a doc for hormones, please take some additional time to think through the consequences. I mean, it took me five years plus to make
the decision--and when I started, I knew it was the right one for me.
And don't be too surprised if most docs want you to see a psychologist first. (It usually has to do with things like malpractice insurance.) I got lucky when I started; my doc
at that time knew enough about me and my background to give a provisional okay, and a six month script. That got doubled. The doc that replaced him wasn’t too thrilled,
but figured since I had started, he’d be okay with the treatment. Then I moved, and my records showed I was on hormones. I did have to go off them for a time a few years
back, but that was so my new doc could get a clean baseline for my anti-seizure meds. This one wants yearly liver/kidney checks. All that this means is a slightly more
thorough blood test annually.
Don’t want to check in with the doc? Then hormones really are not for you, period. Most TS’s are willing to do whatever it takes. If you’re not willing to see a doc and do
it right, then please take some time to think through where you are at. Please be honest with yourself, if nobody else.
Hear my heart, luvs--I'm not trying to tell you what to do. (Well, okay. I am, really...but it is for your own good.) I am trying to make sure that this is really where you want/need
to go. Part of the why this website is up and running is to give people enough info to make the right choice for them. Hormones was—and still is—the right choice for me.
