The Year That Almost Wasn't

Build your own website on Tripod It's fast, easy and economical.

Share This Site More

The Year That Almost Wasn't (January 2006-December 2007)

It's a new year, and this is a new diary section, and I am not quite sure what to call it (The diary section, not the year). It may come to me in a few more days,

but I have actually put off writing anything because of it. (Well, okay. That, and because there hasn't been too shocking much to write up in the last week.)

I actually haad some full-Mina time today, pictures and all. I crave more of that kind of time. I long for it. But I'm not that fussy...I'll take what I can get, when

The Estrogel is working fine, and I am very happy with the switch. My leg-which had a pulled muscle that had almost healed then got re-aggravated-is doing better;

today I am going to try to walk two to two and a half miles. I am trying to find a new pair of shoes in my size; I may end up ordering them. I am also getting my nerve

together to have something done I have never actually gotten done: I am getting myself together to have a bra fitting.

Now that I have reasonable boobs, I have decided it is time to get one done. They are free in a number of places, and so I figured it's about time. Of course, this will

then help to in the process to buy something I once said I'd never buy: fake boobs. I feel that after getting and using an epilator, and looking more femme than before,

I'd like a little more cleavage. To get the right size, I need to actually get fitted for a bra properly, so I can order the right size. And while I have a good read of my

measurements, this is something I need to have done right the first time, because once one orders a set of boobs, one can't (usually) return them.

There'll be an article about these experiences, I am sure….

I'm taking a few minutes off of work right now just to write a little here, and to reset my head. So many things going on, and they aren't all work related!

My third book, “Beyond the Weekend,” should be out by month's end. That's exciting. The forth book should be done up by the end of April or the first part of

And I have a fifth book in the hopper right now…I think. I'm toying with pulling the last of the fiction stuff off the website, revamping/rewriting parts of it, and

adding it to a number of short stories and a novella. If I decide to go that route, it'll be September or so before that's done up and ready to go.

Speaking of the website, I'm toying with a few other ideas on that as well. It has gotten somewhat large-larger than I ever imagined or dreamed. And considering

that it is coming up on five years in the same place…well, you get the idea.

On top of it all…I still have to actually work. Which I'd better get back to.

I got some new/used wigs from Phyliss-Marie yesterday. I did a quick and dirty try-on when I first got the box-you should have seen the look on the guy's face

where I parked the car to try `em on!-and had a better chance to try them on this morning. Out of 8 wigs, I am keeping 2 for sure and possibly a third. The third

one is a much longer style and I am not sure I want to take care of that. My usual wig is about as long as I really want to get, I think. We'll see. The other two are

somewhat shorter styles, and I may just keep the one for something really different. Still, it was quite a deal, bless her heart--and I am for sure keeping two of

them, like I said. So I am a very happy girl! I really wanted a little something different; I need to find another wig like my current one for…ummmm, “Special

I can hardly wait for spring. I am sooooooo bummed out over the continually gray, dreary days that come with a true Northwest winter. The sun was out the last

few days, and it was really nice out. Today, however, the rain has returned.

Even getting into full-femme mode didn't help much. What I really need is to just get out and away somewhere. I'm looking forward to when I can take a little trip

and get out as Mina, even if it is only for a few hours. I also wish I could just relax a little…telecommuting is a double-edged sword. I can set my own hours…but,

I still have to be sure that everything gets done in a timely manner.

Which is my way of saying that I need to get back to work.

I just went back through some of the articles, diary entries, and travels I've written up. While I am still not ecstatic, I am in a better frame of mind now. Even

I hate it when I have the hots for my friend and I can't even tell him! This is the same friend from a few years ago (see Summer of Whine and Roses in

Travels with Mina) that I so desperately want more of a relationship with. But, like I said before: He is either so straight it hurts, or he is so far in the closet I'll

never know. Still, I looked nice for him today: A little light makeup, a nice top, contrasting southwestern jewelry. (I decided not to wear my inserts for this lunch.

I was tempted, though! J ) We had a good time, even though I wanted to jump him then and there. I know better--but still...!

Otherwise, things have settled down into a dull roar. I like my routine, but it's almost too routine. In fact, my rut is too rutlike. I need to do something to break it

up a bit, but I am not sure what that looks like quite yet. Maybe it's time to go visit my folks or something. I am running a bit dry creatively, and that's not good

in the middle of a book that's coming due soon.

While my bride was taking in a seminar, I took in some of San Diego. I took lots of pictures, worked a little, loafed a little, and went back and forth between male

and female modes. And when all was said and done, we returned home, and things pretty much returned to what passes for normal. In fact, my female feelings,

desires, and life were stronger than ever. More than anything I am determined to hold fast to my version of femininity. It's who I am!

This was the weekend of the Evergreen District Division 4 contest in Tualatin, OR. (We came in 3rd.) I was rooming with my bride and her brother as a cost cutting

measure. (It wasn't my idea, but since she was paying for the room....) Normally, I would wear femme stuff for at least part of the trip, but due to her bro staying

with us I opted to go "butch" for the weekend. I didn't want the bro in law to be too uncomfortable, as it was a little edgy to start with. I mean, a married couple,

splitting a room with her brother...maybe that's okay for some folks but I wasn't too thrilled.

After all was said and done, we headed off for parts unknown. We got home (late, because we were all over creation), I reflected on my overall comfort level.

While I had been a bit uncomfortable and somewhat uneasy, everyone else seemed more relaxed. Still, I was glad to be home. I was tired of the whole "butch"

thing. I wanted a bra, and my makeup, desperately. I needed to go back to femme mode in the worst way....

I had to do so on the fly. My charming bride had left a favorite sweater at our hotel, so I went back to attempt to retrieve the thing. (I was not successful in the least,

and let the manager know I thought their cleaning crew was light-fingered, since the hotel had not rented the room since we left.) While out, I bought the last few

items I would buy in femme mode for awhile: a fun t-shirt, and some pre-makeup cream. Then I returned home and stashed the stuff, along with some other tees

I had bought and not removed the tags from as yet.

Here's where my summer got ugly. That's because about here, I went homme. Sort of, for a number of reasons I won't really develop. (See "On Surviving

This day-well, this night, really-is when everything came to a head. The SO and I have been having some words of late over my femininity. My doc wants me

off hormones for awhile, so he can get a baseline reading. I can't sleep. I kept tossing and turning. My mind won't shut off at all, so I got back up. I've thinking

through things-and I see what's coming. By 10:30, I've arrived at the following realization: I am going to have to stop being Mina for awhile. Maybe even forever.

So I've made my choice, and I hope it's the right one.

Today, I stopped the hormones. I started to pack up and bag stuff to give away. This seems all wrong, but I have to do this...don't I?

Soap is something I'm looking at today. While I can use the vanilla soap I have for quite awhile, I'd like a little something for the gym.

What I discovered is that a man's soap has to sound nearly violent to sell. Recharge, Axe, Rainstorm, Fresh Sport?whatever happened to just plain soap?

Geez, it's hard enough to choose a scent as a girl. I end up walking away, a victim of choice overload. I'll try this again tomorrow. Maybe.

After fighting the femme cravings all week, I put on a bra, my boobs, and my wig over a Tink shirt this morning, and looked at myself in the mirror. This was a

sort of climax; earlier this week I picked up my purse and was reminded of how heavy that was, then last night found some jewelry and the above mentioned

items. There's a part of me that really misses being Minako. I want to go back, but I don't want to go through the heartburn it's causing. Or do I?

This is so hard; I feel like a part of me has died. Perhaps part of me has.

I've been digging through my photos again, trying for the nth time to get them in an order that I can live with. I've decided to order them by film size, then year.

Seeing some of the 110's has triggered a whole bunch of stuff I wonder about. Like how feminine I really was in intermediate and high schools and college as well.

Something I have noticed, at least with the 127's and early 110's.

From the day I got the Starflex, replaced that with the Hanimex, to when I replaced that with the Ektralite 10, I've noticed that in the saddest, hardest times in my

life, there are no pictures! There's practically nothing from my years in Intermediate school (Sept. 1977 to June 1979). In fact, there's nothing at all from 1979. There's

nothing between Choir tour 1980 and Choir tour 1981. 1982 has nothing from the Magic Mountain tour to my senior picnic-four months! There's nothing from 1984

except Christmas, and not much from that tension-filled holiday. The summer of 1985 to early 1986-well, okay. I was in Navy boot camp and ?A? school, and didn't

get my camera back until I went home for Christmas. There's little from late 1986 through to early 1987, and in 1987 not much from summer to Christmas. 1988

Mercifully, my tests came back okay, and I decided to follow the doc's advice.

I have restarted the hormones, and while I am choosing to live in the world of Man, as a woman in man's clothing, I live.

It is a Very Good Thing. I have watched my stress level drop a mess of points, and while I cannot return immediately to The Way Things Were, I can live life as

Oh, it's not much--a little here, a little there--but I'm getting stuff again. I feel more like the woman I am on a daily basis.

While things aren't great...I am handling them better than I have in months. And that includes this website. It needs a little sprucing up here and there,

getting the dust out, etc. And maybe naming this section of diary.

Today I went shopping for some makeup; I was about out of some of the necessities. I enjoyed the feeling of my inserts, looking at new stuff, and getting what

I needed as a woman. My Shiseido rep was very helpful, and made a few suggestions that I suspect will have me going back and buying more soon.

Afterward, I enjoyed lunch at the mall. It was reminiscent of when I did some retail therapy in Louisville; and I just relaxed and watched the world go by.

I need to do this more often-especially as the woman I am!

I blinked, and the last two weeks of September disappeared. Sort of.

Let's see?I've been working like the woman I am for work, unintentionally running afoul of the sisters on TrannyWeb, completing "Day To Day Women"

(my fourth book-the prepublication notice will be up soon!), helping the S.O. with a garage sale, doing the annual Chapter Show (our 60th as a barbershop chapter),

going to Spokane to compete in District with the chorus (I'm waiting for my ride as I write this-the chorus is aiming for 70's or better!), trying to keep the SO from fading

down the home stretch before her contest in Las Vegas (I think we'll make it!), finishing another short story for a potential fifth book and oh, yes...I did finally get around

I defy any mere man to do what this woman's done in a two week stretch!

I blinked again, and October up and vanished on me! Sort of.

This time, it's not all totally my fault. I was gone for two weeks, after all.

The good news is, however, I think I have broken up the writer's block for now. I've posted four articles, have started the Las Vegas Travels with Mina, fixed a few things

on the website, and spent some time on TrannyWeb, writing and chatting. Day To Day Women will be officially released soon (though it is for sale now), and I am thinking

long and hard about this book of fiction works. It wouldn't be released until next year sometime, however-if at all. I need to decide whether or not to pull "Yesterday A Man,

Today A Woman" off Sakuramina.com. or not. If I do, any fiction book will have to include that. On the other hand, I might just put them all up on the website and be done

with it. TrannyShop is full of my books already; and I don't want to totally corner the market.

I am making up for some lost time, in Mina-mode. Makeup, waist-cincher, girls in, wig, and jewelry. I've written yet another article and some more of the Las Vegas trip.

(I'll be able to post those-and these diary entries-soon.) I've had a nice relaxing hot shower, and took another two inches of hair off my legs. I have about two feet left to

go, all on the lower leg. That'll be gone by month's end. Things are pretty good right now, and while I will most likely lose use of the laptop while they're fixing the

internet connections at the S.O.'s job, I have my ways of getting around that. In short...I'm a happy Imperial Princess.

I've enjoyed the last few days. I have a little more makeup on than usual, some femme jewelry (some of which I still have on, though it's not safe), and all the usual

femme stuff on. I did some Christmas shopping yesterday like this; I won't be able to do so today because I have much to do this afternoon. (Unless I put it off until

tomorrow-and I might just, at that.) I feel good, and I'm looking good, and it shows. I'm also writing a lot more...and that's good, too.

The point being is that I love being a woman this time of year. I can wear the girls and nobody here notices-I also have on a fleece vest; the SO's dad insists on

keeping the house at 68 degrees or cooler. Which means sweaters, fleece vests, etc. for all. Bulk is bulk-and thus, a lot of curves are hidden. Which is sad, but right

Oh, it wasn't a bad thing-the S.O. took me away to Portland for a romantic interlude. We stayed in a suite, she got me a rose (which my beloved man-cat has

attempted to eat-twice!), went to The Melting Pot (a Fondue restaurant) for a lovely dinner, went to The Grotto to look at the pretty Christmas lights...then the

next morning, after a leisurely breakfast, she took me shopping. All of this in light makeup, and with the girls firmly in place. What's a girl to not like about a

Sunday was the Christmas show. It went pretty well; I got to direct two numbers. I got a new sweater from Crazy Horse (A Liz Claiborne subsidiary) to wear onstage,

as my all red sweater was shot down as being too red. Can that really be possible?

Today was a quiet day. A good thing, as I have another show tonight, and I'll be in my new sweater again. I did finally get my Christmas shopping done today as well.

Usually, I'm done before the first of December; I just ran a little late this year.

Right now I have to get the Princess Flyer's registration taken care of, so I'll write some more later.

I have completed the show, and it's late. Had a ball--didn't direct, but simply got to go sing. I've added a few new things, worked on my short story some more, and will

post this and call it a night. It's been a busy--but good--day.